The path of growth always involves anxiety.

I have been contemplating a simple diagram recently that I saw in a book by authors Phil Stutz and Barry Michels (many might know of Stutz from the documentary that Jonah Hill made about him a few years ago on Netflix).  Somewhat skeptically, I was flipping through The tools: 5 tools to help you find creativity, courage and willpower - and inspire you to live life in forward motion. In it, I noticed a very simple drawing of the path of growth. The image has sat with me for a few weeks since.  The drawing in the book looks similar to the one that I have (oh so artistically and skillfully) drawn for you here.   In fact, if you have been in my office lately, I most likely have drawn this image for you. 

The image shows a stick figure on a path of growth, facing an obstacle - a cloud representing fear - and it speaks to me of our human predicament: we are ever invited toward some new terrain - growth, freedom, intimacy, confidence, perhaps - and yet we always have to step through some sort of anxiety. The purpose of this kind of anxiety is simple: it’s responding to what may have worked in the past to attempt to keep us safe, connected and alive.  The problem is, that in our present moment, it often gets in the way of what we need or want for our own thriving and growth.   It often stops us from growing and, when we listen to it alone, we remain stuck.

When I show this diagram to clients, we notice that fear doesn’t always feel like what we might think of as fear.  Sometimes it shows up as guilt (I can’t take my needs seriously when other people are suffering), or despair (what’s the point? It won’t work), or shame (I am no good, I am undeserving), or overwhelm (I am frozen).  Sometimes it is simply a thought: I can’t. It could even be experienced as anger (a fight response) or envy (I will never get the kind of life that they have). 

What's more, this feeling of anxiety can feel like a wall - like we can’t move past it and sometimes just noticing that it is there causes a lot of internal discomfort.  This is where the drawing can help.  It shows how anxiety might affect our path, and it puts the sensation into a greater context:  Even though anxiety is a powerful physical sensation which often feels debilitating, it can be worked through.  Alongside practices of calming the nervous system, a person can slowly create an internal capacity to not only tolerate the discomfort that anxiety brings, but also to relate to it in a way that makes it manageable. 

It’s my experience that a person willingly enters into an experience of anxiety when they know what they are seeking and they believe that the experience of discomfort is worth the outcome on the other side. So that means that looking at anxiety as a part of growth is central. A few questions  to begin with might be:

• what growth are you looking for?

• How does anxiety show up as it relates internally (within yourself) and externally (between you and the broader world or relationships) in light of your desire for growth?

You might want to take your own needs seriously, or be able to be more vulnerable in close relationships, or to explore new boundaries. Maybe it’s a shift in how you sit through a visit at the dentist. Whatever your desire to grow is, it is valid and taking steps towards it are acts of courage. Furthermore, becoming aware of how anxiety might get involved will also help as you navigate your journey, so you can develop skills to tolerate and manage it as you move along your path of growth. 

One final point that I appreciate about the image is how it shows that as we move toward growth and pass though our anxieties - rather than succumbing to them - we move towards a more dynamic life, one which allows for constant evolution and expansion and propels us out of stagnation and immobility.